The Diamondbacks Way

Another year, another administration, but the Diamondbacks are as lame as ever. With an inferiority complex as large as the roof that covers their half-filled dome full of fans of visiting teams, they struck again this afternoon... at Spring Training.

The team obsessed with its own umbrage won't back down. The team always preoccupied with informing the world of the many imaginary, media-fueled transgressions against them won't ever change.

Plunk Puig because he dissed a legend, even though it didn't really happen. Plunk Kershaw because he's... good? Plunk Justin Turner because some guy we've never heard of hit Mark Trumbo with an off-speed pitch in the first inning of a game played in March.

From 2013, the great year of the umbrage.
Damn the warnings, to hell with the ejections, full plunking ahead!

Their delusion has no end, their unwritten rules have daily amendments, their reaction has no grounding in good baseball or even reality.

Top of the 1st-- engage umbrage!
Take the case of Daniel Hudson, a sad sack of a pitcher who hasn't finished a full season since Kirk Gibson had credibility as a manger. He responded to an off-speed pitch that slipped with a fastball high and inside that he claimed also "slipped."

Atta boy, Danny! That'll learn 'em! Even though that's a hell of a move for a guy who hasn't put together a meaningful stretch in the Big Leagues since Obama's first term. Focus on throwing strikes. You need a job, buddy.

But hey, it's the Diamondbacks, so what do you expect? They're the team that has no true rivalry because everybody else has more important rivalries. They're the team more concerned about who's sitting behind home plate than sitting in the bullpen.

The sheer absurdity climaxed in the 8th inning, when guys named Derek Eitel and Dillon Moyer were on either end of the final hit-by-pitch. I'm sure Old Man Kendrick personally thanked Eiffel-- er, Eitel--  for sticking it to... what's his name again?

Pictured: Harvey Keite-- Derek Eiff-- er, Derek Eitel
Regardless if Keitel -- er, Eitel -- really did let one "slip," the Diamondbacks have earned automatic ejections with their big talk through the years.

They've earned the reputation that put two of their players, a manager and a fill-in manager, out of the game today. That's four snakes showering early versus none for the Dodgers.

This is the price the Diamondbacks will pay today, and for the foreseeable future, for years of bombastic, bullshit tough guy posturing. From Puig and Kershaw to Andrew McCutchen and Ryan Braun, you dug your snake hole, now sleep in it.

Geez, Luis, who peed in your pool?

What the Diamondbacks dug is far less awesome than the Snakehole Lounge in Pawnee, IN

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